Living in a Pitiful World

***UPDATE: Academy of Canine Behavior is going to give Rubicons new family (and him of course =>) training for life!!!!

Okay, I have tried this before but here is another attempt. We need to find Rubicon a new home. Not because he is a bad dog (in fact, he is great) he just does not fit our current life style and it is not fair that he is suffering because of it. We did not know when we got him 3 years ago, as a pup, that he would not be good with little kids. As it turns out he is a pretty nervous dog and being around an unpredictable toddler is too much for him.

For those of you who know us, you know that we have another dog. Bezel is an older female pit and has decided in the last 6 months that she does not like Rubicon. Last November Bezel started a fight with Roob that turned out pretty bloody. We took Roob to a trainer to see what our options were. The trainer was awesome! She of course loved Roob and after a short evaluation knew what the problem was. Rubicon has horrible social skills. Her explanation went something like this, “Rubicon is like a 23year old boy who doesn’t want to grow up.” Roob loves other dogs but doesn’t read signs well. When put with the older grumpy female dog they had at the kennel, he took her growling as let’s play. Not good. The trainer made us feel way better about our situation. Rubicon needed to grow up and learn how to communicate with other dogs. The trainer also talked to us about “terriers” and despite not starting fights they would jump on any opportunity to finish one. I say “terriers” because this is not just a pit bull thing.

Anyways, we decided the best thing for Rubicon would be two weeks of board and train. We paid a thousand dollars (no, I’m not joking) to get him the proper training he needed. The results were awesome! He is so much more obedient! I love the dog that he is becoming. We couldn’t afford the 5 week board and train but he could for sure use it. Despite his new obedience Bezel is still picking fights with him and Olivia still freaks him out.

Yesterday I discovered pee on my bed, yes, on my bed. This morning I found poop all over my office. Bezel is acting out like crazy. This afternoon Bezel attacked again. Thankfully it wasn’t as bloody. When Chris went to break it up Rubicon was the first dog to back down, proving yet again how great he is.

By now I am sure you are wondering why, when Bezel is the current problem, that we would be finding Rubicon a new home and not Bezel. The answer is simple; Rubicon should NOT be in a home with little kids. The one thing going for Bezel right now is that I trust her with my kids.

Rubicon is looking for a home where…

~he can be mentally and physically stimulated on a daily basis (he has a ways to go before he reaches his full potential and needs someone who is willing to work with him)

~no kids under 10

~prefer he is the only dog

If you think you or someone you know could give this to him PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! I love this dog to death and it is very hard to even think about finding him a home but he deserves more than I can give him.

His board and train came with another lesson and we haven’t used it yet. I am sure they would be willing use that lesson with you and Rubicon so you can get started on the right foot. Feel free to ask any questions. I am going to call the place he did his training tomorrow to ask them for help in finding him a home. I would love to know where he goes so I can keep tabs on  him =-)

And please don’t leave me nasty comments about how I’m a bad owner for giving up my dog (especially a pit). We have put time, effort, money and love into this dog and only want what is best for him. I know if he goes to a no kill shelter, being a pit, he will be put down in three days if a home is not found. That is NOT an option.

Head vs Heart

     Starting to come to the realization that some people are not meant to be pregnant.

     Something Chris and I have always disagreed about is our number. He wants to be done at two and since that’s where we are at he is ready to make that a “permanent” situation. I understand with our lifestyle two kids is the easier way to go but I’m just not ready to commit to two. I have always wanted to have three or four kids. I LOVE kids, big shocker I know. I’m just not ready to say that I am done. It actually sort of scares me and breaks my heart to say that we are done.

With all of that being said, pregnancy is not something my body seems to handle well. Everyone tells me I “wear pregnancy well” or “pregnancy looks good on you”. That’s nice; it is killing me physically and emotionally. Just because I don’t look like your average 8 month pregnant lady doesn’t mean that I don’t deal with all of the same aches and pains that they have. I pee at least every 20 minutes, I toss and turn all night hoping to be comfy, waking up exhausted and feeling like I was hit by a car because of how sore my back is, I can’t bend over without hurting myself, I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having to stop to catch my breath (it’s even worse if I have to carry Olivia up too), if I’m on my feet for more than 10 minutes my back and belly start aching and if I don’t sit down the pain ends up making me super grumpy, and…I think you get the point.

     When I was pregnant with Olivia I ended up fighting dehydration, a pulled groin and then PUPPS. When people hear that I took castor oil at 38 weeks to put myself into labor I get all kinds of looks and comments, my response, google PUPPS and tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing. Sitting here typing I get emotional thinking about how hard it was. Several cold showers every day, calling Chris at work crying because I just couldn’t take it anymore.

     Here I am with pregnancy number two. The first two trimesters were easy in comparison to my pregnancy with Olivia. I was so busy with a toddler, a gimpy husband and school that it was easy to forget that I was even pregnant. Yes I had bad morning sickness and what not but I was super busy and distracted, I didn’t have time to think about the fact that I was growing a baby inside of me. I actually couldn’t stand sweets and ate really healthy, I didn’t gain a pound. Enter third trimester.

     About two weeks ago I was informed that I am anemic. Not at all surprising to me since I have been border line anemic my whole life and have been told to take iron here and there to get my blood levels where they were supposed to be. The thing I didn’t realize was that my extreme exhaustion (10hrs of sleep at night and a 2 hour nap weren’t cutting it) was because of my anemia. I had to double my iron intake. Iron is not a fun thing to take; it can be rough on your digestive system. It only took a week of extra iron to drastically help my energy and completely screw up my stomach.

     Today I got the phone call I was dreading. I have gestational diabetes. I know that it is fairly common in pregnancy but it really has me thinking…Not only do I now have a higher risk of diabetes later in life, my unborn son now has a higher risk of childhood/adult obesity as well as diabetes. I can handle me ending up with diabetes but to know that it’s my fault that my son could end up with diabetes is something that is killing me. When I first found out I might have GD I didn’t think anything of it because for some stupid reason I didn’t think it would affect the baby. After finding out that I do have GD I started researching. Turns out I haven’t been gaining weight because most of my sugar intake has gone to the baby which means I’m going to have a big baby, big babies tend to mean difficult deliveries. Not to mention he will have to have his blood sugar monitored his first few days to make sure he doesn’t go into shock.

     With all of this information I find my heart breaking. I know I told Chris I would be okay with only two and I really want to be okay with only two but I haven’t had a chance to adjust to the thought of being done. Dealing with pregnancy complications has me believing this is Gods way of telling me I shouldn’t be having kids. This is not something that is settling very well. In my heart I know my head is right but I am not ready to believe it or to come to terms with it. Who knows when I will be okay with making two kids a “permanent” thing but deep down I know it’s what’s best.

http://whatispupps.com/WhatIsPUPPS.html

http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/gestational/what-is-gestational-diabetes.html

Boring 411

I haven’t blogged in 10 months!!!! Wowzers that’s a long time and so much has happened =-) I guess I will start with miss Olivia. In the last 10 months Olivia has become a walking, talking, acrobatic toddler. She is 15 months and obsessed with books and coloring. She loves sitting on the quads and bikes and going for rides (on the quad) whenever she gets a chance. She thinks dogs and cats are the greatest things ever and screams pretty much anytime one of the dogs comes in the room. Turns out, Olivia is allergic to apples. Took a while to figure out what was causing her hives but since cutting apples out of her diet not only are the hives gone but the seemingly random diaper rashes and very irregular poopy diapers seemed to have sorted themselves out. She is taking swim lessons which is cool. Kind of lame but I know I wouldn’t put her in a pool without them. Swimming just isn’t my thing so having an actual reason (like paying for swim lessons) has been a great way to force the two of us into a pool.

Since my last blog Chris has gone back to graveyard, Dell has taken over and he managed to tear his meniscus and missed two months of work. It would have been nice having him home but after surgery I had to take care of Olivia who thankfully had just started walking, Chris who couldn’t do much of anything for a while (no walking for what seemed like an eternity) and myself who was babysitting a 4 year old, taking a class and had just found out I was pregnant and dealing with lovely morning sickness. Now back to my lovely husband… We still don’t understand how Chris hurt his knee. We were hanging out in bed during Olivia’s naptime and Chris went to stand up and next thing I know he was keeled over in pain. Unfortunately I have this horrible reaction when people seriously injure themselves…I laugh. Once I realized it wasn’t a leg cramp I started to feel bad. We went to the walk in where we were told he pulled his hamstring. Then on Monday we went to a regular dr who said it sounded more like a meniscus issue and sent him to an MRI. Two weeks after injuring his knee he finally went in for surgery. At 24yrs old Chris had to have about 75% of his left lateral meniscus removed. The Dr. could tell it was an old tear because he had a lot of cartilage damage (just what an active young guy wants to hear). Four months after surgery and he has been on some pretty intense off road trails on his bike and has done a bit of hiking. No more running (unless on an elliptical).

Not too much new for me. I am super close to being done with school. I have one 3 credit class and student teaching and I will be a certified teacher! I am planning on taking a class winter quarter that is supposed to prep me for student teaching which will be super exciting. I have been on summer break for about two weeks and I am loving getting to spend time with Olivia and actually getting to focus on her when I am around. I just finished a super awesome trilogy THE MAZE RUNNER. If you liked/loved THE HUNGER GAMES you will love this trilogy. It’s geared for grades 5-8. There is also a prequel that just came out that I am going to start reading any day now.

I am currently 32 weeks (8months) pregnant with a baby boy. In comparison to my last pregnancy (which wasn’t very long ago!) this has been pretty easy. Not that I would ever say pregnancy is easy for anyone but I haven’t had any of the complications that I had with Olivia. With only 8 weeks left I am still hive free and praying that it stays that way! I was dealing with extreme exhaustion and migraines and a few other random things and then I got some blood work results that said I had low iron. I have been on a double dose of iron for about a week and a half and am feeling so much better!

Feeling like this is a pretty boring blog but I had to catch everyone up! I am ready for bed so this is all you get for now!

Friendships are funny little things…

     The past year sure has been a roller coaster. Friends have come and gone, school has started, marriages have ended, jobs have finished and babies have been born.

     About a year ago I became really good friends with this girl really quick. Any time we got together we would talk for hours about anything and everything. All at once my life came crashing down. She knew what was happening and yet she didn’t seem to care. She was one of my closest friends and yet she blew me off time and time again. Another girl from school who barely talked to me knew what was going on. Still to this day, almost a year later we still aren’t that close but she still asks me how I’m doing and it is very obvious that she is sincere.

     The past few months I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and specifically my friends. I don’t have time to deal with peoples b.s. and I don’t appreciate being blown off on multiple occasions. I just can’t figure out why someone could tell me they are my friend and then turn their back when I needed them most.

     A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend from school, about how I feel like I don’t fit in. Her response was that everyone loves me. I had a hard time believing her because everyone has their little click and I don’t fit in to any of them, I never get invited to go do anything. I was told it had something to do with the fact that I was either pregnant or a new mom since the program started.

She also reminded me of something I already knew…I was a moody pregnant lady. Although I already knew that it kind of hurt hearing it from someone else. It was like a slap across the face, someone else saying it made it even more real.

     Could my moodiness be the reason the friend I mentioned earlier stopped talking to me? If it is, she was never really a good friend. My true friends understood what I was going through and stuck by my side despite what mood I was in.

     I was going through a really hard time and there were only a handful of people who stood by my side. THANK YOU. Thank you for putting up with my moodiness and making sure that I survive my life.

     Oh, and thank you for letting me rant =-) This person has been driving me bonkers lately!

Big Sand

    We are officially on day 2.5 at the big sand and we have only had one crash. Of course it was a pretty bad fall. Mike managed to fly off a 20 foot cliff. New handle bars, a few beers and good night sleep and all is well =-)

    Yesterday was awesome! Spent a few hours on the dunes, went out on the lake at sunset, got half way through Wuthering Heights, and even managed to edit some photos. With that being said….

     I don’t intend on ever being a “photographer” but I figured I should have a cool name that I can attach on to the photos that I have been doing for fun. This is where your help comes in. I need help coming up with cool name! Add a comment with your idea/suggestions the more the better!!!!!

Quitting is failure, so what does that make me?

               Here I am again, admitting defeat. It’s come to a point where I have to decide between my dream job and my dream family. I still don’t understand why I have to make the choice. I have always believed that God doesn’t let you bite off more than you can chew but in this case, he has.

               I have a horrible problem with comparing myself to other people and I see all of these other people who are or were in a similar situation and they are doing fine. They can manage being a wife, a mom and a student and still get good grades; so why can’t I?

               I was told this morning that I should give up on school. After a long drive and lots of tears I decided Chris was right. For some reason, even though I surround myself with go getters and what not, I can’t seem to be a successful wife, mom and student. Somewhere in there I lost myself and I feel everything else slipping away. Something has to go and sadly that means no more school.

               I’m hoping I can take a quarter off; figure out my life and then get back to school but who knows what will happen. I really need to focus on me and I can’t do that when it takes me 10hrs to do an assignment that should only take 2hrs.

               Failing isn’t an option for me but that is where I am at if I stay in school. I am holding on by my teeth and I am not sure I am going to get everything done in the next week. I hate to be a quitter but its quit or fail and I’d rather be a quitter than a failure.

OH THE POSSIBILITIES...

               I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I’m not sure where to start. I guess I’ll start with the fact that it’s past 1am and I am still awake and yet very tired. Who knows where this is going to go.

               Chris and I did a little bit of talking today (big shocker, I know). Due to the lack of communication between my advisor and myself, I am now two classes short for student teaching. At this point the only way I will be able to take them before my cohort is student teaching is if I drive to Ellensburg in fall. That means a two hour drive (hopefully no traffic) to make the 9am edu class, two hours of classes and then a two hour drive (most likely no traffic) home. I would have to do this four days a week, September to December. Until my talk with Chris I actually thought this was a good idea. Six hours a day away from your 4month old if you don’t really have to isn’t a good idea.

               Not only would I have to find and pay for a sitter, I would have to pay for the gas to drive four+ hours a day. I would only take two classes so the work load would be a lot less than what I’m used to but again, the drive. I feel like knowing what the next few years of life will hold for me all depends on when I am able to student teach. If I don’t do it this next winter I will have to wait until fall 2012 which is when I was hoping to have my own classroom. I’m sick of relying just on Chris for money. I would love to have an income. If I wait to student teach it means I won’t have my own classroom until fall 2013.

               That means it’s a lot less likely we will be buying a house anytime soon. At the same time it means we will most likely have our kids closer to 18mths apart (we were hoping for 18-24mths). That way when baby #2 is old enough to be left with the sitter (and me not freaking out about not being with previously mentioned baby) I will be able to work full time. Otherwise the plan is to have baby #2 June 2013 so I only miss the end of the school year and can be back full time the next fall.

               So yeah, Chris and I have a few plans/options available when it comes to my future. I just wish I knew what was going to happen. I am really hoping to student teach winter quarter but I’m not sure how to get around taking these two classes before I student teach. I could also just plan on doing the stay at home mom thing until the kiddos are old enough to be in school. In the mean time I could finish my BA, get my Masters and/or start a daycare.

               Chris, Chris is a whoooooole nother story. Chris got his AA in business management, put his feet in the water and then decided it wasn’t right for him. Then (and this is about the time we started dating), he went back to school for an AA in computer networking. Now that he has those two degrees he is working a crappy job for a contractor at Boeing. He makes decent money but it’s not the kind of job someone stays at for more than a year or two (we are quickly approaching the end of year one). Chris has been weighing his options for a while too (we both could go in a million directions). He was planning on getting a few more certifications (I think all he has is the A+) but now he is taking a very expensive class to learn a software called Catia.

               The hope is that after he takes this 8 week class he will be able to get an entry level position either at Boeing or at his brothers work. At some point he will need to take the second Catia class (also very expensive) in order to be certified. Hopefully he can get an entry level position after the first class and then a raise after he takes the second class but we’ll see what happens.

               This brings us to the possibility of buying a house. We look online all of the time just for fun and even drive around sometimes looking for houses. We are really hoping to find something with at least half an acre. We have also talked about moving to the east coast for a few years. I would love to live in a shack on the beach or in downtown Charleston. At the same time I wouldn’t mind moving up to Statesville to be close to family.

               Family, school, career, location – all up in the air. Here’s to hoping God will send us where we need to be, when we need to be there.