Friendships are funny little things…

     The past year sure has been a roller coaster. Friends have come and gone, school has started, marriages have ended, jobs have finished and babies have been born.

     About a year ago I became really good friends with this girl really quick. Any time we got together we would talk for hours about anything and everything. All at once my life came crashing down. She knew what was happening and yet she didn’t seem to care. She was one of my closest friends and yet she blew me off time and time again. Another girl from school who barely talked to me knew what was going on. Still to this day, almost a year later we still aren’t that close but she still asks me how I’m doing and it is very obvious that she is sincere.

     The past few months I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life and specifically my friends. I don’t have time to deal with peoples b.s. and I don’t appreciate being blown off on multiple occasions. I just can’t figure out why someone could tell me they are my friend and then turn their back when I needed them most.

     A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend from school, about how I feel like I don’t fit in. Her response was that everyone loves me. I had a hard time believing her because everyone has their little click and I don’t fit in to any of them, I never get invited to go do anything. I was told it had something to do with the fact that I was either pregnant or a new mom since the program started.

She also reminded me of something I already knew…I was a moody pregnant lady. Although I already knew that it kind of hurt hearing it from someone else. It was like a slap across the face, someone else saying it made it even more real.

     Could my moodiness be the reason the friend I mentioned earlier stopped talking to me? If it is, she was never really a good friend. My true friends understood what I was going through and stuck by my side despite what mood I was in.

     I was going through a really hard time and there were only a handful of people who stood by my side. THANK YOU. Thank you for putting up with my moodiness and making sure that I survive my life.

     Oh, and thank you for letting me rant =-) This person has been driving me bonkers lately!

Big Sand

    We are officially on day 2.5 at the big sand and we have only had one crash. Of course it was a pretty bad fall. Mike managed to fly off a 20 foot cliff. New handle bars, a few beers and good night sleep and all is well =-)

    Yesterday was awesome! Spent a few hours on the dunes, went out on the lake at sunset, got half way through Wuthering Heights, and even managed to edit some photos. With that being said….

     I don’t intend on ever being a “photographer” but I figured I should have a cool name that I can attach on to the photos that I have been doing for fun. This is where your help comes in. I need help coming up with cool name! Add a comment with your idea/suggestions the more the better!!!!!

Quitting is failure, so what does that make me?

               Here I am again, admitting defeat. It’s come to a point where I have to decide between my dream job and my dream family. I still don’t understand why I have to make the choice. I have always believed that God doesn’t let you bite off more than you can chew but in this case, he has.

               I have a horrible problem with comparing myself to other people and I see all of these other people who are or were in a similar situation and they are doing fine. They can manage being a wife, a mom and a student and still get good grades; so why can’t I?

               I was told this morning that I should give up on school. After a long drive and lots of tears I decided Chris was right. For some reason, even though I surround myself with go getters and what not, I can’t seem to be a successful wife, mom and student. Somewhere in there I lost myself and I feel everything else slipping away. Something has to go and sadly that means no more school.

               I’m hoping I can take a quarter off; figure out my life and then get back to school but who knows what will happen. I really need to focus on me and I can’t do that when it takes me 10hrs to do an assignment that should only take 2hrs.

               Failing isn’t an option for me but that is where I am at if I stay in school. I am holding on by my teeth and I am not sure I am going to get everything done in the next week. I hate to be a quitter but its quit or fail and I’d rather be a quitter than a failure.

OH THE POSSIBILITIES...

               I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I’m not sure where to start. I guess I’ll start with the fact that it’s past 1am and I am still awake and yet very tired. Who knows where this is going to go.

               Chris and I did a little bit of talking today (big shocker, I know). Due to the lack of communication between my advisor and myself, I am now two classes short for student teaching. At this point the only way I will be able to take them before my cohort is student teaching is if I drive to Ellensburg in fall. That means a two hour drive (hopefully no traffic) to make the 9am edu class, two hours of classes and then a two hour drive (most likely no traffic) home. I would have to do this four days a week, September to December. Until my talk with Chris I actually thought this was a good idea. Six hours a day away from your 4month old if you don’t really have to isn’t a good idea.

               Not only would I have to find and pay for a sitter, I would have to pay for the gas to drive four+ hours a day. I would only take two classes so the work load would be a lot less than what I’m used to but again, the drive. I feel like knowing what the next few years of life will hold for me all depends on when I am able to student teach. If I don’t do it this next winter I will have to wait until fall 2012 which is when I was hoping to have my own classroom. I’m sick of relying just on Chris for money. I would love to have an income. If I wait to student teach it means I won’t have my own classroom until fall 2013.

               That means it’s a lot less likely we will be buying a house anytime soon. At the same time it means we will most likely have our kids closer to 18mths apart (we were hoping for 18-24mths). That way when baby #2 is old enough to be left with the sitter (and me not freaking out about not being with previously mentioned baby) I will be able to work full time. Otherwise the plan is to have baby #2 June 2013 so I only miss the end of the school year and can be back full time the next fall.

               So yeah, Chris and I have a few plans/options available when it comes to my future. I just wish I knew what was going to happen. I am really hoping to student teach winter quarter but I’m not sure how to get around taking these two classes before I student teach. I could also just plan on doing the stay at home mom thing until the kiddos are old enough to be in school. In the mean time I could finish my BA, get my Masters and/or start a daycare.

               Chris, Chris is a whoooooole nother story. Chris got his AA in business management, put his feet in the water and then decided it wasn’t right for him. Then (and this is about the time we started dating), he went back to school for an AA in computer networking. Now that he has those two degrees he is working a crappy job for a contractor at Boeing. He makes decent money but it’s not the kind of job someone stays at for more than a year or two (we are quickly approaching the end of year one). Chris has been weighing his options for a while too (we both could go in a million directions). He was planning on getting a few more certifications (I think all he has is the A+) but now he is taking a very expensive class to learn a software called Catia.

               The hope is that after he takes this 8 week class he will be able to get an entry level position either at Boeing or at his brothers work. At some point he will need to take the second Catia class (also very expensive) in order to be certified. Hopefully he can get an entry level position after the first class and then a raise after he takes the second class but we’ll see what happens.

               This brings us to the possibility of buying a house. We look online all of the time just for fun and even drive around sometimes looking for houses. We are really hoping to find something with at least half an acre. We have also talked about moving to the east coast for a few years. I would love to live in a shack on the beach or in downtown Charleston. At the same time I wouldn’t mind moving up to Statesville to be close to family.

               Family, school, career, location – all up in the air. Here’s to hoping God will send us where we need to be, when we need to be there.

Life in the Sun ~ Part 2

MOORE FAMILY CHRONICLES

               I have mixed feelings about our trip to South Carolina. I really did have a great time but being attached to a kid made things hard and a bit depressing. Everyone was skinny, swimming, and drinking (things I couldn’t really do). I felt like I was anti-social. I was always sitting on the outside of the group, taking care of Olivia, and watching what was going on.

               With that being sad, I saw A LOT of things =-) What I loved the most was how the two different clans came together after years of not seeing each other and it was as if there was no time lost between them. Even the “babies” (take that word with a grain of salt- it includes all the fourth generation kiddos) who had never met acted as if they see each other every day. Okay, so Carson and Ben had met two years before but really, that first time they were both about 18months. Being close to cousins’ was not an experience I had growing up and definitely don’t have now. I really appreciate being able to be a part of that. Even I felt like I had known that side of the family my whole life.

EVENTS AND ADVENTURES IN SOUTH CAROLINA:

               We spent the first night in a hotel by the airport. Saturday morning we picked up our rental cars and headed in to town. What seems to be a tradition when heading to the east coast, we spent the afternoon shopping. No not at shops only known in the south, we went to the outdoor mall. For some reason it seems like they have way cuter clothes over there! We got to Charleston Friday night and the reunion shenanigans started later the next week so we had some time to kill.

               We spent mornings at the beach (by we, I mean everyone but Olivia and I-way to hot out for us) and headed inland for dinner. I did attempt to get some sun at the beach but I only lasted 20 minutes and came in pretty pink. Sunday Philip and Savannah showed up!!! They aren’t family but at this point they might as well be! I’ll try to figure out how to add their website to my blog so you can see how amazing their photos are. As the week went on family started to show up! Their rental house had a private pool so we spent a ton of time over there- in the pool, at the beach, but mostly…eating. =-)

               Now for the whole point of this trip…The Grandparents 50^th Wedding anniversary! There was soooo much food and it was soooo delicious! After we ate the Grandparents exchanged rings, and then we watched a video Bill made with pictures of their life together! After the video Heidi and I convinced Grandpa he needed to finally have his first dance with his wife. It was pretty awesome!!!!

               We spent the last day at the farmers market in Charleston. It was nothing compared to Seattle’s but it was still neat to see. Olivia got over heated pretty fast, so I ended up not seeing all of the booths. It was pretty warm that day and there is no air conditioning at an outdoor market!

               Overall the trip was pretty amazing. Thank you to the Moore’s, Yockey’s, Spillane’s, Casey’s and Kenney’s! Hopefully you can all come to Seattle next summer!

Life in the Sun ~ Part 1

TRAVELING WITH A NEWBORN

               We left cold cloudy Seattle for a too hot Charleston. I have only gone out once during the day to “enjoy” the weather and I lasted 20 minutes! Olivia isn’t allowed outside if the sun is shining, unless we are going from one air conditioned place to another. If you’ve never traveled with a newborn, it sure is an interesting experience…

               First off, breast feeding on an airplane- awkward and uncomfortable. Airplanes are not made for big people (like myself) and then trying to maneuver a baby (who is still working on the whole breastfeeding thing) while keeping a sheet over you so no creepy guys see your boob is not an easy feat. Aside from nursing you have to deal with diaper changing.

               Surprisingly there is a changing table in the bathroom but again, big people and planes don’t mix. We decided since Olivia is so small we would just change her in our laps. It worked out pretty well! We put Chris’s tray down with a blanket on it. I changed her while Chris held her. When she wasn’t eating or being changed she was sleeping.

               Olivia has really been a trooper. Meeting so many new people and being moved from hot to cold or cold to hot. Traveling with her really hasn’t been “hard”; she is a pretty easy baby. What is hard is that I am stuck to her/she is stuck to me. If I was bottle feeding I could just hand her off to someone and head out for the day. Since I’m not no matter what I choose to do I need to make sure I am back in about 2 hours. Should be plenty of time but when it takes 30 minutes to get down town it doesn’t leave you much time to enjoy it. Doesn’t give me much time to enjoy the beach or pool. With only a few people to watch her inside I only had a few opportunities to even take advantage of leaving her.

               Long story short, I don’t mind traveling with a newborn I just wish that we had traveled somewhere a little cooler so I could have had her outside. Nothing like flying cross country and spending 90% of the time in a rental house with a whole lot of nothing to do.

New baby blog…

It has been forever since I’ve written a blog. Partly because I am lazy and partly because I didn’t have much to say. I wanted to write about the stupidity of drama on Facebook but that involved too much thought. I also wanted to write about preparing Rubicon for Olivia. Didn’t get to any of it. The past few weeks, month even I’ve been in totally hibernation. Really only left the house for school or food. I figure you all would want to hear the oh so exciting story of my labor and first week as a mom- much more exciting than reading about a spaztic pit bull.

At the end of my rope with not being able to move, having to pee every 5 minutes, not being able to get up out of a chair without help, but most of all sick of itching and sick of hives; Chris and I decided to try a few things to get me into labor. We finally decided to try castor oil. My fabulous friend told me how much to take and how many eggs to mix it with. Chris and I spent a few days talking about when the best time would be to do it just in case it really worked. After my first day of feeling the “nesting” instinct but not being physically able to do anything about it, I decided it was time to try the castor oil.

I was told I would get the runs about an hour after eating my castor oil eggs and then labor should start 5-8 hours later. I ate about 2/3’s of the eggs at about 6:30pm, by 9pm I was having contractions. A quick shower, a phone call to triage, my water breaking and by 1015pm we were on our way to the hospital. By the time we got to the hospital I was already 7cm! The nurse couldn’t tell if Olivia was head down so I had another nurse check, she couldn’t tell so the Dr brought the ultra sound machine. Sure enough she was head down.

Once that was confirmed they wheeled me to my delivery room. It was after 11pm and I was 9cm. Still no epidural and I was screaming in pain. No one told me how bad back labor is! Finally it was time for my epidural. It took a nurse and Chris to hold me still and another nurse in my face telling me to breath in order to actually get the epidural. I labored drug free and pushed with the help of drugs.

The epidural took about 10-15minutes to kick in and the checked me again…Time to push! About 10 minutes later little Olivia was born. 12:35am May 23, 2011. 7lbs 5oz and 20inches! Almost exactly 6hrs after eating my yummy castor oil eggs- 3 ½ hours of labor.

I’m super exhausted. I want to post more details especially since it’s been 3.5weeks but it’s time to finish packing for vacation. Tomorrow Olivia takes her first plane trip to meet her Great Grandparents!!!